Right. Enough messing around. It’s about time I actually told you what’s going on here, and what this blog is all about:
I, Michelle, have invented the world’s first time machine.
Amazing, isn’t it?
(Also very improbable. You wouldn’t have thought that the first time machine in the whole world would be invented by a writer who can’t even tell the time on a twenty-four hour clock without using her fingers to count…but it’s true! Take THAT, science!)
(Well, actually, I say “invented” but it was actually more of an accident involving a particularly hot cup of tea and…but enough of that)
Time travel, quite simply, scares the absolute shit out of me. How many time travel stories have you ever heard of with a happy ending? Where everything goes smoothly and no-one snogs their grandparents, or pushes someone very important in front of a bus? Zero.
Time travel is always complicated, confusing and really really dangerous. Therefore, having invented the world’s very first tea-powered time machine, I’m going to use it for something that can’t possibly erase my existence, alter the course of history, or destroy the very fabric of the space-time continuum itself.
I’m going to go to the past and read books.
Yep, I’m using my time machine as a method of catching up on all the jersquillions of books I (embarrassingly) haven’t yet read.
(Look, scientists would only do boring, science-y stuff with it anyway. And the military would just use it as a weapon to go back in time and win battles. My time machine is much better being in my hands, trust me. Besides, to give it away would mean losing my favourite tea mug…and I happen to really like my tea mug!)
To begin my journey, I’ll be going back in time to the year 1900. I’m going right now, in fact! As soon as I’ve finished writing this post! I’ll be spending from Monday morning to Friday evening there in the past, reading a book that was originally released in that very year – and generally trying to keep a very low profile.
Why? Because I love books. There are so many books I’ve always wanted to read…and what better way to experience these books than in the year they were originally published?
But hanging around bookshops would be a silly idea. I don’t have money from back in 1900, and I’d draw far too much attention to myself. I’ll be all messy and dressed incorrectly and probably end up being thrown in jail, or a psychiatric institution.
That’s why I’ll only be visiting libraries. When I travel back in time, I’ll find the biggest library I can find – and stay there for the duration of the week.
Have you ever been to a big library? I mean a REALLY. BIG. Library? A library that’s so big, you could get lost in it? Because that’s exactly what I intend to do. I’m going to spend my weekdays getting as lost as I possibly can in the biggest library I could find, reading a book that was released in that year.
Then, at the end of the week, I’ll find some hot water and milk, get my time machine working again and return to the present, where I’ll spend a long time in the shower, enjoying modern-day comforts, before I’ll open up my trusty MacBook and update my blog with a review of the book I’ve spent the last week reading!
Then, on the following Monday morning, I’ll travel back in time again – this time to one year after the day I was there last. So, after returning from my visit to 1900, I’ll be going back to 1901. Where I’ll find another book, which I’ll spend the week reading, before returning to the present to write my review, sample the comforts of the present day…before setting off to 1902. Get it?
Every week, for the next two-and-a-bit years, I’ll be travelling backwards and forwards through time to bring you a new book review every weekend. I’ll be moving one year forward in time every week. Which means that this is my last post before heading off to the past. My next post will be online this Sunday, when I’ve returned from spending a week in 1900!
(Provided nothing goes dreadfully wrong, of course…)
Right. With this post written, I’m off.
Wish me luck, everyone! Next stop – 1900…and the biggest library I can find!